Baseer Maroof, LCSW · Raleigh, NC · Adults 21+
Grief and qadr
Tears and trust can live in the same heart.
What to say, and what to skip
Tap a phrase.
Things people say to the grieving
Tap a phrase to see why it can hurt, what the tradition also says, and what to try instead.
Tears are mercy
The death of IbrahimThe Prophet ﷺ wept
The eyes are shedding tears and the heart is grieved, and we will not say except what pleases our Lord.
The Prophet ﷺ at the death of his son Ibrahim. Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1303
When a companion asked, surprised, why he was weeping, he answered, “This is mercy.” Grief and faith sat together in the best of hearts.
Ya‘qub’s griefA prophet’s sorrow
And he turned away from them and said, “Oh, my sorrow over Joseph,” and his eyes became white from grief, for he was [of that] a suppressor.
Yūsuf 12:84 (Sahih International)
I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allāh.
Yūsuf 12:86
A prophet grieved so deeply it marked his body, and he brought that grief to Allah. Honest lament is part of the tradition.
Qadr and the grieving heart
Tap to open.
We belong to AllahInna lillāhi
And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allāh, and indeed to Him we will return.”
al-Baqarah 2:155–156 (Sahih International)
These words are said at the news of a death. They don’t erase the loss; they place it inside a bigger story.
Patience and gratitudeṢabr is not numbness
The Prophet ﷺ said the believer’s affair is good in every case: in ease he is grateful, in hardship he is patient (Ṣaḥīḥ مسلم 2999). Patience (ṣabr) is not the absence of tears. It is staying with your values while you hurt.
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
al-Sharḥ 94:5–6 (Sahih International)
Decree and effortTie the camel
“Tie it and rely upon Allah” (al-Tirmidhī 2517). Faith in decree has always gone together with effort: seeking care, resting, getting support. Grief counseling is part of tying the camel.
Two kinds of sadness
Al-Balkhī, 9th century.
like a deathgrief, looking to the past
heavierlinked to the body
Read more
Al-Balkhī wrote that fear looks to the future and sadness to the past. He described one kind of sadness with a clear cause, like the death of someone loved, and a heavier kind without a clear cause that he linked to the body. He also said no one should expect a life with no sadness at all. His translator Malik Badri reads this as an early version of the difference between grief and depression. (al-Balkhī, trans. Badri)
Al-Rāzī, his contemporary, gave a whole chapter of his Spiritual Physick to dismissing grief by reason. (al-Rāzī)
When to get help
Consider getting help if…
Grief support is not a lack of trust in Allah. Get in touch, or see the depression planet.
A gentle note: education, not rulings or diagnosis
These pages are education, written to be welcoming whether you practice, are questioning, or simply curious. They are not religious rulings (fatwas) and not a diagnosis. For questions of what is permitted or required, ask a qualified scholar. For your health, see a licensed clinician. Often the best care involves both.
Sources
All sources, linked8 references⌄
- Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1303 (from Anas ibn Malik). sunnah.com
- Qur’an, Yūsuf 12:84 and 12:86. English: Sahih International. quran.com/12/84
- Qur’an, al-Baqarah 2:155–156. English: Sahih International. quran.com/2/155
- Ṣaḥīḥ مسلم 2999 (from Suhayb). sunnah.com
- Qur’an, al-Sharḥ 94:5–6. English: Sahih International. quran.com/94/5
- Jāmi‘ al-Tirmidhī 2517 (from Anas ibn Malik), graded ḥasan (Darussalam). sunnah.com
- Abu Zayd al-Balkhī. Sustenance of the Soul: The Cognitive Behavior Therapy of a Ninth Century Physician (Maṣāliḥ al-Abdān wa al-Anfus). Translated and annotated by Malik Badri. IIIT, 2013. doi.org/10.2307/j.ctvh4zfhk
- al-Rāzī (Rhazes). The Spiritual Physick of Rhazes (al-Ṭibb al-Rūḥānī). Translated by A. J. Arberry. John Murray, 1950. archive.org/details/spiritualphysick0000arth_t8m9
Related on this site